In a Tokyo Hotel:

Is forbitten to steal hotel towels please. If you  are  not person

to do such thing is please not to read notis.  

In another Japanese hotel room:

Please to bathe inside the tub.  

In a Bucharest hotel lobby:

he lift is being fixed for the next day.  During that time we regret

that you will be unbearable.   

In a Leipzig elevator:

Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit  up.  

In a Belgrade hotel elevator:

To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin

should enter more persons, each one should press a number of

wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically

by national order.   

In a Paris hotel elevator:

Please leave your values at the front desk.     

In a hotel in Athens:

Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the

hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.  

In a Yugoslavian hotel:

The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the

chambermaid.  

In a Japanese hotel:

You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.   

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox 

monastery: 

You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and

Soviet  composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except

Thursday.   

In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers:

Not to perambulate the  corridors in the hours of repose in the

boots of ascension.    

On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:

Our wines leave you nothing to hope  for.   

On the menu of a Polish hotel:

Salad a firm's own make; limpid red  beet soup with cheesy

dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let  loose; beef

rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion.    

In a Hong Kong supermarket:

For your convenience, we recommend  courteous,  efficient self-

service.   

Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop:

Ladies may have a fit upstairs.   

In a Rhodes tailor shop:

Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we  will execute

customers in strict rotation.   

Similarly, from the Soviet Weekly:

There will be a Moscow Exhibition  of  Arts by 15,000 Soviet

Republic painters and sculptors.

These were executed over the past two years.   

In an East African newspaper:

A new swimming pool is rapidly taking shape since the

contractors have thrown in the bulk of their workers.  

In a Vienna hotel:

In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotel porter.   

A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest:

It is strictly forbidden on  our  black forest camping site that

people of different sex, for instance,  men and women, live

together in one tent unless they are married with each  other for

that purpose.   

In a Zurich hotel:

Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the

opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby

be  used  for this purpose.   

In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist:

Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.   

A translated sentence from a Russian chess book:

A lot of water has been passed under the bridge since this

variation has been played.    

In a Rome laundry:

Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a

good time.   

In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency:

Take one of our horse-driven city  tours -- we guarantee no

miscarriages.   

Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand:

Would you like to ride on your own ass?   

On the faucet in a Finnish washroom:

To stop the drip, turn cock to right.   

In the window of a Swedish furrier:

Fur coats made for ladies from their own skin.   

On the box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong:

Guaranteed to work throughout its useful life.   

Detour sign in Kyushi, Japan:

Stop: Drive Sideways.    

In a Swiss mountain inn:

Special today -- no ice cream.    

In a Bangkok temple:

It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a

man.  

In a Tokyo bar:

Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.    

In a Copenhagen airline ticket office:

We take your bags and send them in all directions.   

On the door of a Moscow hotel room:

If this is your first visit to the  USSR, you are welcome to it.  

In a Norwegian cocktail lounge:

Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.   

At a Budapest zoo:

Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food,

give it to the guard on duty.   

In the office of a Roman doctor:

Specialist in women and other diseases.   

In an Acapulco hotel:

The manager has personally passed all the water served

here.   

In a Tokyo shop:

Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find  they are

best in the long run.    

From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air  

conditioner: 

Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your

room,  please  control yourself.    

From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo:

When passenger of foot  heave in sight, tootle the horn.

Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your

passage then tootle him with vigor.    

Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance: 

English well talking.  Here speeching American.

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