Below are some amusing answers written

by children on their test papers

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The future of "I give" is "I take."

The parts of speech are lungs and air.

The inhabitants of Moscow are called Mosquitoes.

A census taker is a man who goes from house to house increasing the population.

Water is composed of two gins. Oxygin and hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin

and water.

(Define H2O and CO2.) H2O is hot water and CO2 is cold water.

A virgin forest is a forest where the hand of man has never set foot.

The general direction of the Alps is straight up.

A city purifies its water supply by filtering the water then forcing it through an aviator.

Most of the houses in France are made of plaster of Paris.

The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 opossums.

The spinal column is a long bunch of bones. The head sits on the top and you sit on the

bottom.

We do not raise silk worms in the United States, because we get our silk from rayon. He is

a larger worm and gives more silk.

One of the main causes of dust is janitors.

A scout obeys all to whom obedience is due and respects all duly constipated authorities.

One by-product of raising cattle is calves.

To prevent head colds, use an agonizer to spray into the nose until it drips into the throat.

The four seasons are salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

The climate is hottest next to the Creator.

Oliver Cromwell had a large red nose, but under it were deeply religious feelings.

The word trousers is an uncommon noun because it is singular at the top and plural at the

bottom.

Syntax is all the money collected at the church from sinners.

The blood circulates through the body by flowing down one leg and up the other.

In spring, the salmon swim upstream to spoon.

Iron was discovered because someone smelt it.

In the middle of the 18th century, all the morons moved to Utah.

A person should take a bath once in the summer, not so often in the winter.

Solomom had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines.

Actually, Homer was not written by Homer but by another man of that

name.

In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled the biscuits,

and threw the java.

Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The

Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made

king. Dying, he gasped out: "Tee hee, Brutus."

Nero was a cruel tyranny who would torture his subjects by playing

the fiddle to them.

Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was cannonized by Bernard Shaw.

Finally Magna Carta provided that no man should be hanged twice for

the same offense.

In mid-evil times most people were alliterate. The greatest writer

of the futile ages was Chaucer, who wrote many poems and verses and also

wrote literature.

Another story was William Tell, who shot an arrow through an apple

while standing on his son's head.

The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He

was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made

much money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies,

comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and

Juliet are an example of a heroic couplet. Romeo's last wish was to be

laid by Juliet.